Today, I woke up, made a pot of coffee and sat down to write a post about enchiladas with refried beans, avocado apple-mash and goat cheese. And about other small things that I like to write about, like the Tepoztlán-life that joins our household through the open windows, the summer squash-ricotta pancakes I made for breakfast and the butterfly that flew by. But, I wrote, there was a big thing staring in the face that kept me from writing about those little things. The big thing, I said, was machismo. I went on to explain that what I look forward to the most if I were to leave the machismo world for the non machismo world is to walk the streets in peace. Then I pressed ‘save concept’ instead of ‘publish’, because the possibility of an association between me and feminism makes me uncomfortable; even though that is changing now that I live in Mexico.
After all that I took Costeña and my camera for a long walk. While we were walking, I felt the constant urge to burst out crying. I couldn’t make up my mind about whether the tears would be of joy or sadness.
As I contemplated my almost-tears, I thought about Barbara, the lady I buy most of my groceries from. When Costeña and I walk into town I tell the dog “Barbara” and she knows where to go and to sit down in from of Barbara’s shop and wait for me. And I thought that maybe those almost-tears where tears of happiness; because even my dog knows the people I buy groceries from.
Then, when we were almost home, I saw a friend sitting on a bench on the town square. Costeña saw her too, but she did not see us. Because she was contemplatingly staring at nothing in particular. My almost-tears seemed to recognize her condition. And I thought that maybe my tears where those of melancholia.
Coming home though, and while mixing up banana-almond bread with the overripe bananas that my neighbor was selling, I was not satisfied with happiness and melancholia. I thought that my almost-tears were also tears of change. It occurred to me, I was very sure of it, that big change is coming up and my life as I know it will no longer be my life as I know it. There will be a big thing, staring me in the face, but, I believe it will be a good thing, a much better thing than pinche machismo
Enchiladas with refried beans, avocado-apple mash and goat cheese
-6 corn tortillas
-4 medium red tomatoes
-1 clove of garlic in its skin
-1/2 small onion
-1/4 serrano pepper
-200 grams cooked beans (or rinsed canned beans)
-2 teaspoons dried oregano
-2 teaspoons ground cumin
-1/2 onion, minced
-1 clove of garlic, minced
-1 avocado, peeled and pitted
-1 small sweet apple, skinned and de-seeded, in chunks
-salt and pepper to taste
-leaves of fresh herbs
-olive oil for frying
For the salsa
-In a frying pan, without using oil, roast the union (in its skin), the pepper and the garlic clove (also in its skin) for about 10 to 15 minutes. Transfer the pepper to a plastic bag and let it cool for about 5 minutes. Then peel the union and the garlic and remove the charred skin from the pepper.
-Coarsely chop the tomatoes and mix them with the union, garlic and pepper and some salt in a blender. When you are almost ready to serve the enchiladas, heat the sauce.
For the refried beans
-Heat olive oil in a frying pan and add onion and garlic; bake until the union is translucent. Add oregano and cumin and heat. Then add the beans and heat, add the vegetable stock and heat. Then mash the mixture and keep warm.
For the avocado-apple mash
-Using a pestle or a blender, mash the avocado and the apple with a bit of salt and pepper.
-Fill the tortillas with refried beans, avocado apple-mash, goat cheese and some fresh herbs, roll up the tortillas and cover with tomato sauce.